Stephen King Adaptations, Judged

Stephen King Adaptations, Judged
July 20, 2017 Constant Readers

Pat: What if I told you someone I follow on Twitter said that they “usually like King’s stuff adapted for screen,” which I called “insane,” and was told I had “lost perspective. On literally everything”?
Andrea: Um… sounds legit.
Pat: Them or me?
Andrea: No, I meant it sounds legit that it happened. I think 50% of his stuff for screen is bad (Under The Dome), 25% is problematic but enjoyable (Christine), and 25% is transcendent (duh).
Pat: “Problematic but enjoyable” is a very kind way of describing Christine.
Andrea: Kind, but accurate
Pat: I am now notating his entire list of adaptations.
Andrea: Using my patented system?
Pat: …what patented system?
Andrea: The one I just made up: bad, problematic but enjoyable, transcendent.
Pat: I’m… just using X’s and checks. Let’s just go through the list.

Film:

X Carrie
The Shining
X Creepshow

Pat: CREEPSHOW?
Andrea: Look: you are not a genre fan. Creepshow is schlocky but great. It falls under problematic but enjoyable. This is why we need three categories.
Pat: There are three: good, bad, haven’t seen.
Andrea: I hate you.

X Cujo
X X The Dead Zone
X Christine
X Children Of The Corn
X X Firestarter
X Cat’s Eye
X Silver Bullet

Pat: You’ve never seen the COREY HAIM ADAPTATION OF CYCLE OF THE WEREWOLF?
Andrea: Um, no.
Pat: OMG
IT’S DUMBER THAN THE DUMB BOOK
Andrea: I remember liking the book
Pat: You’re adopted.
Andrea: I wish.

X Maximum Overdrive
Stand By Me
X The Running Man
Pet Sematary
X X Graveyard Shift
Misery
X The Lawnmower Man
X Sleepwalkers
X X The Dark Half
X Needful Things
The Shawshank Redemption
X The Mangler
Dolores Claiborne
X Thinner
Night Flier
Apt Pupil
Green Mile
X Hearts In Atlantis
X X Dreamcatcher
X Secret Window
X X Riding The Bullet
Gotham Cafe
X 1408
The Mist
No Smoking

Andrea: Wtf is No Smoking????
Pat: “Quitters, Inc.” apparently.
Andrea: That’s also one of the segments in Cat’s Eye.
With James Wood.
Pat: Pass.

Dolan’s Cadillac
X X Carrie (2013)
X X A Good Marriage
Mercy
X Cell

Pat: Actual conversation with John Cusack:
ME: So… 1408…
JOHN: Great movie, had a great time working on it. You’re gonna like it.
ME: I’m a huge fan of Stephen King.
JOHN: …you’re not gonna like it.
Andrea: “Hi, I’m Pat. One time, I met John Cusack dur dur dur.”
Pat: Accurate impression.

Television:

X Salem’s Lot
IT
X X Sometimes They Come Back
Golden Years
X The Tommyknockers
X The Stand
X The Langoliers
X The Shining (1997)
X Trucks
X Storm Of The Century
Rose Red
X Dead Zone (2002)
X Carrie (2002)
The Diary Of Ellen Rimbauer
X Kingdom Hospital
Salem’s Lot (2004)
X Desperation
Nightmares & Dreamscapes
X Children Of The Corn (2009)
X Bag Of Bones
X Under The Dome
Big Driver
11.22.63