Full Trailer for Carrie Remake

Full Trailer for Carrie Remake
April 5, 2013 Constant Readers

Andrea: Chloe Grace Moretz is WAY too pretty.
Pat: It’s not just that she’s too pretty—she’s too adorable. Like, you feel bad for her not because bad stuff is happening to her, but because it’s happening to an adorable younger sister.
Andrea: Yeah. And also she’s kind of hot, too.
Pat: Right?
Andrea: It looks good though.
Pat: All they really did was not put makeup on her and give her the dowdiest hair imaginable. Which, picturing it in the 70s or 80s, as I was, made the hairstyle seem appropriate. CHIC, EVEN.
Andrea: I thought Julianne Moore looked great as the mom though.
Pat: She’s got that kind of gaunt and wearied look in the trailer I expect from Mrs. White.
Andrea: Is it a period piece or supposed to be modern? I couldn’t really tell from the photo.
Pat: DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST ASK ME IF CARRIE IS A “PERIOD PIECE”?
Andrea: lolololol
Pat: It’s like you don’t know more than one definition for any one word.
Andrea: They kept the period scene. I was worried about that.
Pat:: And of course they kept the period scene. Getting rid of that would be like getting rid of the pig’s blood.
Andrea: PLUG IT UP.
Pat: The kids all have cell phones in that scene. Can you fucking imagine?
Andrea: UGH. No. I am not sold on Judy Greer as the gym teacher, either.
Pat: How can you even have an opinion? The gym teacher was in it for so little time I didn’t even know there was a gym teacher in the trailer.
Andrea: UGH YOU ARE THE WORST
Pat: I will PIGBLOOD YOU.
You only get flashes of it, but the shots of Carrie wrecking ass on the town are SPINE-CHILLINGLY effective.
Pat: Chloe Moretz can pull off EVIL COVERED-WITH-BLOOD FACE like a motherfucker.
Andrea: I know. There wasn’t really much of that in the original movie, right?
Pat: Fuck the original movie. Never mention it to me again. They left out thirty pages of Carrie blastulating the town into cinders.
Andrea: It’s hard to judge without seeing the whole movie, but Moretz just doesn’t have that fundamental ethereal alien awkwardness that Sissy Spacek had.
Pat: See, I agree with that, because Sissy Spacek’s alienness does make her work as Carrie, for the most part. But the producers and director of the remake could have done the proper thing to make Moretz work as Carrie more immediately from a visual standpoint. Because, lest we forget: Carrie was a little dumpy. A chubster.
Andrea: Right. With zits. The book is really clear on that: bad skin, greasy hair, etc.
Pat: The only way it’s going to work—this Chloe Moretz, ingenue-as-dowdy-outcast-teenager thing—is if she’s an outcast because her clothes suck and her mother has permanently damaged her socially with her batshit religious fervor.
Andrea: I CAN SEE YOUR DIRTY PILLOWS!
Pat: Granted, if they just gave Moretz zits and the shitty hair, I would’ve called She’s The One on the entire project.
“OH SHIT HER SKIN CLEARED UP AND SHE WASHED HER HAIR SHE IS AN ANGEL NOW!”
Andrea: I wish Rachael Leigh Cook had destroyed the entire town at the end of She’s The One and killed Freddy Prinze, Jr.
Pat: Maybe she did, but she only killed his career.

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