Andrea: Once Rage is up we will start The Shining?
Pat: I have to catch up on my reading for class. Maybe in a week or so.
Andrea: By the time we are done editing and posting Rage, it will probably have been at least a week.
Andrea: Do we have a plan for The Shining?
Pat: I need a couple weeks to catch up and maybe get ahead on my reading for class.
Andrea: Whenever you’re ready. I might start it before you since you usually tear through once you get into it.
Pat: Because I read faster?
Andrea: I may start The Shining this weekend.
Pat: I keep looking for a used paperback of The Shining at the weirdo book-seller tables outside of the subway near school. No such luck.
Andrea: Any luck procuring The Shining?
Pat: I haven’t really been trying.
Andrea: Should we set some kind of goal for The Shining?
Pat: Yes, I said give me two weeks.
Andrea: Two weeks to get it or to finish?
Pat: To start it.
Andrea: WORD. I remember now, I also told you I would start it last weekend, but I did not.
Pat: You are such a unlistening asspain.
Andrea: SUCK IT
Andrea: The Shining
Pat: What about it?
Andrea: We gotta read it, dog
Pat: You don’t know what two weeks means, do you.
Andrea: 1. It has been two weeks since we discussed that.
Pat: IT HAS NOT BEEN TWO WEEKS.
Andrea: 2. I am not bugging you about reading it, I was indicating that I have not yet started.
3. Suck it.
4. If i know you, you are saving this to post.
Pat: This isn’t funny enough to post, weinermeister
Andrea: YO MOM
Andrea: The Shining
Pat: What about it?
Andrea: It has definitely been two weeks.
Pat: I have to read two books by Tuesday!
Andrea: YOU ARE THE WORST. Okay then, what is new deadline?
Pat: I don’t know. Let me read, and I’ll let you know when I can start a mammoth book!
Andrea: Reading The Shining right now!
Pat: I just want to go home and play Metal Gear Solid 2
For the fourth time
Andrea: You should go home and get The Shining
Pat: Of all the things playing MGS2 will keep me from doing, reading The Shining is the last thing on the list.
Andrea: I just want you to recall how much you bugged me about finishing salem’s Lot.
Pat: Right, but I intimated how swamped I was going to be for a while
Andrea: I also had reasons.
Pat: You didn’t have reasons!
Andrea: Yes I did
Pat: You are a dirty rotten liar who lies!
Andrea: not that I can remember them now
Pat: that’s because there weren’t any!
Andrea: The Shining is actually kind of a fast read. I am like halway done.
Andrea: The Shining BIATCH
Pat: Haven’t read it
Andrea: I KNOW
Pat: I AM IN SCHOOL AND BEHIND ON MY READIN’
Andrea: That’s cause you spend too much time WHACKIN’ IT.
Pat: There’s no such thing as “too much time whacking it”
Andrea: I have been slacking on posting. But you haven’t even gotten The Shining yet, so we’re even.
Pat: I can’t remember to get anything done.
Andrea: Yeah, like find a copy of The Shining and get this damn show on the road.
Pat: SUCK IT
Andrea: So you are saying you should get it soon so I should keep reading and not give up in despair?
Pat: I’m not saying anything of the kind
Andrea: So you are saying I should give up in despair?
Pat: I AM SAYING SUCK IT
Andrea: How far in are you?
Pat: 45 pages. I still can’t think what the hell goes on for 600 pages.
Andrea: Is it really 600 pages? Because I am like halfway through and I still can’t think what will go on for 600 pages.
Andrea: So what part are you up to in The Shining?
Pat: They’re not even at the hotel yet. Like page 60.
Andrea: I stopped taking notes in despair that you were never going to read it. Are we setting a goal for finishing it? A week from Friday? Doable?
Pat: No, I have 600 pages to read.
Andrea: Two weeks from Friday?
Pat: Just take notes and don’t fuss over the time frame. I’ll probably lap you anyway.
Andrea: OMG I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU JUST ORDERED ME TO TAKE NOTES. WHEN YOU YOURSELF DO NOT TAKE NOTES. You are the Hitler of blogdom.
Pat: Yeah, but you WON’T TAKE NOTES if you think you have cause to despair. Not because you don’t take notes, but because you are a weiner. So I’m telling you to HAVE FAITH AND TAKE NOTES, and we will reconvene!
Pat: Also: calm down or I will Jack Torrance your face off.
Pat: I’m up to 136 in The Shining
Andrea: Good. I will probably finish over the weekend.
Andrea: What part are you up to in The Shining?
Pat: I think I’m with Dick in Florida at the moment. have to finish this 93 page French memoir and then I’ll be back to it.
Andrea: I am not up to there yet. I just read the part last night where danny gets strangled and then comes out to his parents about the visions.
Pat: it’s absolutely amazing that I am so much better at reading than you. You had what, a two week headstart?
Andrea: I also have a very minimal window of reading time. My reading time includes the very small space between Avery going to bed and me going to bed, which is often less than an hour, and also must encompass anything else I have to do, including but not limited to laundry, dishes, job applications, and maintaining a relationship with my husband.
Pat: Right, but then why did you complain for two weeks that I wasn’t reading?
Andrea: I was complaining that you didn’t even GET the book.
Pat: Yeah, and now I’m past you in the book, so what real point did that kvetching serve?
Andrea: It served the purpose that you got started! What purpose does you complaining about me complaining serve?
Pat: No, you hounding me had nothing to do with my getting the book! You should spend your energy on competing with my reading SKILLZ.
Pat finishes The Shining on April 6th.
Pat: Are you done The Shining yet?
Andrea: NOPE. Probably won’t be.
Pat: So should I just keep a running tally of how many books, including The Shining, I’ve read while you’re just reading The Shining?
Andrea: Talk to me when you have a baby who only knows how to flip over one way and then cries when she can’t get back, and that happens 500 times an hour.
Pat: Eh. I work like 60 hours a week from two locations, drink prodigiously, am in two classes, and write nonstop. Still, I am kicking your ass.
Andrea: SUCK IT
Pat: Just admit that I am better than you. And you are a whiney complainer. Who whines and complains.
Andrea: UGH. I didn’t even complain. You brought it up.
Pat: I’m talking about when I hadn’t started it or bought it yet and you were like UGH I’M GOING TO BE DONE IT BEFORE YOU EVEN GET IT
Andrea: So, end of week deadline for talking about The Shining?
Pat: Andrea, I’ve been done the book for over a week. The deadline is dependent on you.
Andrea: I am talking about the TALKING ABOUT IT deadline. FINE I WILL FINISH IT TONIGHT. AND WE WILL TALK ABOUT IT TOMORROW.
Andrea: WE ARE TOTALLY TALKING The Shining TODAY CAUSE I AM DONE. FYI.
Pat: OH RLY?
Andrea: YA RLY.